Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
