She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Actions speak louder than pants.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
