I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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