Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I have fence marks all over my body
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
