hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
