And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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