Duck Duck Cougar?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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