She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
