I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
