Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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