first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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