new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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