WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
