you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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