it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
