so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
