after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize