dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
