thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
