Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
How's work?
Spinning.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
