i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
