There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
