your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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