Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
