my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
