Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
