wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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