I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
