margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
either way he was missing a nipple.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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