hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
