God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
