is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
