We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
