Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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