Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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