just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
