Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
