i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
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