im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
