What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
