It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
