when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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