only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
