i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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