okay pat passed out under dana's car
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
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