Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
