you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
