1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
