He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
how drunk are you?
Several
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Pooping to opera.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
