He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize