I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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