True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
