Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
handjob tips. give me some.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
