god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
