theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
