20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
