i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
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