my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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