Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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