Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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