Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
