I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
