I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
