my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
