So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
