We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
they're like a gay fantastic four
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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