i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
