Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
