Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
