I want to make a zoo with you.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
They took my balls.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
