Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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