I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
