I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
